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Any
thoughts? ... Tell us what you think here |
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How
can we practice chastity in an unchaste world?
(No metal pants required) ...
One of the greatest “spoof”
movies ever made has to be Robin Hood: Men
in Tights. Maybe I have a warped sense of
humour, but when the Merry Men kick into the
musical number about how manly they are in
their green tights, I have a hard time breathing.
(Seriously, rent it.)
Another scene in that movie is seared into
my memory. Robin Hood and Maid Marian are
finally going to, uh, get intimate. But there’s
a significant problem. Maid Marian is wearing
a chastity belt - a huge metal pair of underpants
with a big padlock - and someone else holds
the only key. No amount of sawing, chiseling,
or indeed jackhammering will remove this large,
metal, clunking guard of purity.
Such, perhaps, is our prevailing view of chastity.
It is that wretched, cumbersome thing attached
to us by our parents, church or culture that
stops us from having fun. Few if any of us
are currently wearing metal underpants, but
we may feel that our chastity belts have taken
the form of guilt, or fear, or taboo. Whatever
it looks like, we can get to believing that
“chastity” is merely that frustrating
thing that gets in the way of “intimacy”.
This is a pretty serious corruption of the
meaning of chastity. Chastity is about far
more than just being prevented from having
sex. Chastity is about the way we relate to
other people, about the honour and respect
we give to another person. It is about treating
each other as whole human beings, rather than
simply as tools for our own pleasures or agendas.
Chastity is concerned with purity and holiness.
Quite often we make the mistake of believing
that holiness and purity are simply private,
individual matters. This is the opposite of
the truth. Holiness is not just about how
well I’m doing in avoiding certain sins.
Rather, it is about having a right relationship
with God and with others. My responsibility
in my relationship with God is to trust and
obey him, to align my will with his and follow
his example and his commands, and to gratefully
receive the gift of his Holy Spirit and daily
presence in my life. My responsibility in
my relationship with others is to try and
love them as Christ loves both them and me.
So chastity is largely about how I treat people
around me. Do I treat people nicely only if
they have something that I want or need? Do
I manipulate people into getting what I want?
Are my relationships primarily about me and
my desires? Am I objectifying people around
me, seeing them primarily as consumers, pawns,
or sexual objects, valuable only for gratifying
my lust?
It is those kind of attitudes, not chastity,
that actually kill the potential for intimacy.
How can you be intimate – truly trusting,
vulnerable, transparent, and loving –
with someone if your relationship with them
is entirely selfish? If you are uninterested
in someone else’s mind, needs, and desires,
and care only for their body or their usefulness
to you, it might be something of a barrier
in the true love department.
Jesus went so far as to equate this kind of
lust with adultery (Matt. 5:27-30). It is
not wrong to find someone sexually attractive.
But when we look at someone as if they are
only good for one thing, as if they only exist
in order to satisfy our hunger, then we have
sinned against them and God grievously. One
of Jesus’ strongest sayings is that
it is better to remove our eyesight than to
continue to see the world from this unchaste
perspective. This saying is usually understood
to be exaggeration, but it does show just
how dangerous this kind of selfishness is.
Unfortunately, a great deal of our culture
is based on exactly this kind of selfishness;
sex is a commodity, something to be sold or
acquired with minimal emotional involvement.
Quantity and variety of sexual experience
is what matters now, and children are taught
from a very young age that physical beauty
and sexual attractiveness are amongst the
highest of virtues. We are encouraged to look
at others not for who they are, but for what
they can give us. And we are encouraged to
expect – even want – other people
to look at us in the same way. The extremes
of this are found in human trafficking, sex
slavery, and child prostitution. But the attitude
can also be found in advertising, on porn
sites, in high schools, in our own hearts
and minds.
Still, we are told that it is chastity, or
even just the desire to wait until covenanted
marriage before having sexual contact, that
stands in the way of intimacy. This is, of
course, nonsense. Chastity promotes intimacy
by creating a safe and sacred space within
which intimacy can occur and thrive. Chastity
means we choose to look on others for who
God made them to be, sexuality included, and
to selflessly submit to one another out of
love.
So go ahead, be chaste. Don’t be at
all embarrassed about it, as it is God’s
desire for us. Just don’t bother with
the metal underwear. |
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