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Interview
by Matt
Leeder
This month, our theme is based on two extremes
of the emotional scale: Joy and Depression.
Most of us will know people who have suffered
or are still suffering from Clinical Depression
but very few of us really understand the condition
itself. Often our misunderstanding leads to
disrespect for those who are suffering from
it; how many times have you heard yourself
or other people say ‘Depression? Well,
obviously, it’s all in the mind!’
To try and learn more we interviewed Simon
Scott, a 24 year old who lives with his wife
Annette in Ipswich. Simon was diagnosed with
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS – also
known as M.E.) in April 2001 and has suffered
with the condition and depression to this
day. Simon is a fourth generation Salvationist,
he attends Ipswich Citadel Salvation Army
& does his best to watch the ‘tractor
boys’ as often as possible!
ALOVE: What does CFS do to you and how is
this linked to depression?
Simon: In my case,
the illness first affected me physically.
I started noticing really abnormal fatigue
while I was in the gym or playing football.
Unfortunately I now have quite severe mobility
difficulties but the sheer exhaustion was
the initial factor for me. Something as silly
as doing some washing up can cause me to feel
so tired and sore that I have to sleep for
a couple of hours to replenish the energy.
Other problems I experience on a regular basis
include very poor concentration, short-term
memory loss and poor balance. I also tend
to pick up most colds and sore throats that
are flying around!
As far as depression goes, it was something
that sort of crept up on me! I think that
this illness would make anybody feel angry
and frustrated. But for me, being such a sporty
person, someone involved with the Army and
all its commitments and also someone who liked
to spend as much time as possible out and
about with friends it really hit me hard.
The physical nature of this illness has made
me feel inadequate and useless. I think these
feelings going round and round your head all
day long when you have to sit at home alone
come to the forefront and outweigh or outbalance
all the good things that you still may have
in your life. I suppose this was when I really
noticed that depression was a major issue
for me. Being unable to go out for a short
walk, make my own dinner or read the newspaper
made me feel so useless and life seemed so
pointless.
ALOVE:
Has this put a strain on your friendships?
Has there been any misunderstanding?
Simon: This illness has proved who
my real friends are. It may sound very selfish
but these four or so years have been the very
hardest of my life and it has been a time
where I desperately need friends around to
help and support me. This has unfortunately
meant that people that I thought were friends
have really proved themselves not to be. It
hurts me to say this, because I am sure I’ve
played my part too & I am all too aware
of how busy people are but it doesn’t
stop it making you feel down.
I now know that in the future, when I am well,
I have to be an outgoing, practical and loving
person. To be told by somebody that other
people are praying for you is very nice, but
to have someone say it to your face or actually
spend some time with you takes it to another
level. It actually helps and gives me encouragement
and belief that people do love me and want
me to get better.
I’m sure that there is a huge amount
of misunderstanding regarding me and my illness.
The difficult thing is that people only see
me when I’m having a ‘good day’.
I think people take this as a marker and think
that this is how I normally am. It couldn’t
be further from the truth!
ALOVE:
How has this affected or influenced your Christian
faith and that of the people closest to you?
Simon: To be honest my faith has been
shattered. I have at times really felt that
my life has no purpose and that there really
is no need for me to be here. I have struggled
to believe that God could let me suffer like
this. I have had many people tell me that
I am being prayed for and that I do have ‘plenty
to offer’ but I am still stuck here
on my sticks or in my wheelchair. This is
something that I have to conquer. When I now
look back, I wonder how strong my faith ever
was. I question whether I was as good a Christian
as I could have been and whether I only wore
my uniform so that I was allowed to play in
the Band. The fact that I have suffered with
depression and been forced to think so many
issues through has given me the opportunity
to look at my faith. I’m now at a point
where I’m searching for what and where
is the right place for me to be. Maybe my
faith needed to be ‘shattered’
so that it could be built up again?
ALOVE: How does clinical
depression make you 'feel'?
Simon: For me depression made me feel
lonely, unloved and unwanted. I was always
conscious of the amazing wife that I have
and the huge love and support of my family
but it still made me feel like this. I really
didn’t think that anybody could help
me. It obviously made me feel sad. I felt
that nobody understood what I was going through.
I often found myself wrapped up in my own
little world. It was as if I was in a haze
and would quite often forget complete chunks
of the day and not even notice that my wife
had come home from work. Depression sucks
away your desire to do things and stay active.
There were also many moments where I felt
very scared. When thoughts like ‘I’m
useless’ and ‘there really isn’t
any point to being here’ go through
your head it really does scare you.
ALOVE: How can you help
yourself?
Simon: I have to help myself by staying
as positive as I possibly can. It seems simple
to look back at my spell of depression and
say ‘I’ll never let myself be
like that again’ but it just isn’t
that easy. I’m trying really hard to
get involved in things again. I’m trying
to be as active as I can, even though it really
hurts at times!!
ALOVE:
How can other people help you? What can we
do?
Simon: Be as normal as possible!! I
have to speak to so many Doctors and Specialists
about my illness that I’m really not
that bothered about talking about it with
people. I’d much rather have a chat
about the football or what’s going on
in the world! It doesn’t matter if they
don’t know much about what I’m
going through. It’s just nice to know
that you are being thought of. People are
busy these days but it is easy to phone, email
or text someone. |
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| Learn more about CFS at: |
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| Visit your local Christian bookshop
(www.wesleyowen.com)
for Christian books that deal with issues
of depression. |
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Youthwork -
The Partnership ...
ALOVE,
Youthwork Magazine, Youth For Christ, Spring Harvest and
Oasis are working together to equip and resource the Church
for effective youth work and ministry. |
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